Well, This is New England

Silent Scream (1980)

2009-12-05T13:09:00.004-05:00

Director: Denny Harris

A theme that I have covered in previous reviews is the glut of horror movies finally coming to DVD in 2009. This theme continues with 1980's Silent Scream, which was released on DVD for the first time in November of this year. Much like the other movies, you have to ask yourself "why has it taken so long?" Silent Scream is low on the body count and gore, but more than makes up for that with its atmosphere. This film has some of the same feel as 1974's Black Christmas, the genre staple Psycho, and a little hint of Dario Argento.

Silent Scream revolves around a group of four young college students who move into a boarding house right along the beach. The house is beautiful and the price is right, but there is still something off about the owners of the house. The head of the household is an elderly woman who is often neither seen nor heard and her teenage son who himself is quite odd and socially maladjusted. There is an eerie presence in the house and makes the viewer wonder if there are actually more people in the house than the owners initially let on. Once the first body turns up, the police get involved and attempt to solve the case by looking into the past of the family who owns the house.

Silent Scream is hardly one of the bloodiest entries in the slasher genre, especially during the first wave. This is perhaps why it has become so forgotten. However, it is so effectively shot and creates such an eerie and tense atmosphere, that gore and a high body count is not needed. As per slasher rules, there is some Bautti Factor and an appearance by "That Guy" Cameron Mitchell who plays Lieutenant Sandy McGiver. Mitchell has been in quite a few horror movies such as Mario Bava's "Blood and Black Lace" and 1978's "The Toolbox Murders." Silent Scream is a unique entry into the slasher genre and with its amalgamation of influences and feel (Psycho, etc.) makes it a movie that has to be seen for fans of the slasher genre.

Body Count: 5

Rating: 4/5

Trailer:

Ghost Town (1988)

2009-12-01T17:25:00.007-05:00

Director: Richard Governor

1988s Ghost Town is obscure in more ways than one. First and foremost, it is one of the few movies to mix the horror and western genres. Secondly, it is not available on DVD. If you want to see this one you have three options: spend way too much cash on a used VHS copy on eBay, buy a bootleg DVD, or try to find a torrent. It is a shame that this one is so forgotten, because it is a pretty interesting and solid entry into the realm of horror.

The plot is about what you would expect, a woman goes missing on a desert road and the local sheriff is in charge of finding her. What Sheriff Langley (Franc Luz) does not know however, is that a band of undead outlaws have taken her to a ghost town. Upon arriving in the ghost town, Sheriff Langley is approached by the corpse of the town's previous sheriff who tells him that he has chosen Langley to vanquish the evil outlaw Devlin (Jimmie F. Skaggs). Throughout his visit in the ghost town, Langley comes across the regulars of western cinema: a blacksmith, a card dealer, and an attractive bar maiden. Sheriff Langley eventually finds out that Devlin has in fact kidnapped the women he is looking for and he must defeat him, not only to save her, but to also allow the town to rest.

The story of Ghost Town is pretty much that of the standard western, with the twist being that all of the town's inhabitants are ghosts. Devlin is a slight exception to this rule. In addition to being a ghost, he is actually shown as a rotting corpse, almost as if he were a zombie, while the rest of the townspeople appear as normal humans. The first half of the film is more interesting as you follow Sheriff Langley through the ghost town. A lot of scenes are shot in slow motion and creates a sort of dreamlike quality. The second half plays out like one would expect with gun fights and a final showdown between the two main characters. The special effects are nothing to write home about and there is very little gore, but this aside the movie still works.

This one is pretty low-budget and features no recognizable faces, but in the end accomplishes what it set out to. It is not a classic, but certainly not the bottom of the barrel. Ghost Town is worth checking out if you can come across it easily, if not for anything other than its unique crossover plot.

Rating: 3/5

Trailer:

Brain Damage (1988)

2009-11-19T17:25:00.015-05:00

Director: Frank Henenlotter

Director Frank Henenlotter is mostly known for his ultra low-budget, b-movie staple Basket Case and its following sequels. Henenlotter would follow up the first Basket Case with Brain Damage, which is not too different from the plot of Basket Case. Both movies feature a person that has a relationship with a deformed creature. In Basket Case, the creature is the deformed Siamese Twin of the main character. However, in Brain Damage this creature is simply that, a creature who goes by the name of Aylmer.

Brain Damage is an odd film, but never hard to follow. A slug-like creature named Aylmer attaches itself to people and in turn causes them to trip balls. In return for this euphoria, the human host must provide Aylmer with food in order to survive and of course that substance is brains. In the beginning of the movie, Aylmer escapes from an elderly couple that are his hosts and ends up probing the neck of Brian (played by Rick Hearst). Once Aylmer induces his psychotropic effects on Brian, he cannot get enough. This new addiction causes Brian to alienate himself from his brother who is his roommate and his girlfriend. All Brian wants to do is get loaded off of Aylmer and walk around enjoying the new sights and sounds. Of course, this leads to Aylmer needing to feed and the bodies begin to pile up and Brian is totally unaware of this. At the same time, the elderly couple Aylmer escaped from attempts to get him back.

That is about all there is to Brain Damage. While it is certainly bizarre, there is not much to the plot and never becomes convoluted. The special effects scream 1980s and is filled with some excellent stop-motion animation and puppets when it comes to the scenes involving Aylmer. As for the character of Aylmer, he's a pretty suave little creature that sounds similar to Frank Sinatra mixed with Art Carney. Add in some pretty interesting kills (one involves fellatio) and some Bautti Factor, you're left with a pretty solid b-movie. If you enjoyed Basket Case, you should appreciate Brain Damage.

Rating: 3/5

Trailer:

Hardware (1990)

2009-11-14T15:16:00.009-05:00

Director: Richard Stanley

This fall has seen a surplus of long overdue DVD releases for many horror movies such as The Stepfather, Night of the Creeps, and later this month The House on Sorority Row. This is how I first learned about Hardware. On various horror movie news websites I had begun to see write ups dealing with the recently released, two-disc DVD. This intrigued me and once it was made available on DVD, I had to see it.

Hardware is directed by a first time director (at the time) South African born, Richard Stanley. After watching Hardware, Stanley is the biggest reason for the film's effectiveness. Hardware falls into the branch of Sci-Fi that has horror undertones. Think Alien and Event Horizon. The plot begins with a wandering scavenger making his way through the desert in a post-apocalyptic world. Out in this desert he finds the remains of a robot. The scavenger then takes these pieces of metal into the city to sell for scrap. At a scrapyard, Mo (played by Dylan McDermott) purchases the robot's head to give to his sculptor girlfriend as a gift. Little does he know that this skull is the remains of a population control droid, the Mark 13. The droid eventually reassembles itself and from there the movie takes off, attacking Mo's girlfriend and all who come in contact with it.

Hardware is not the most original movie ever made nor is it filled to the brim with plot and dialog. However, the story is interesting enough and Richard Stanley's direction takes center stage. The lighting in this movie is beyond fabulous and is like a darker Suspiria. Part of what makes Hardware so effective is that it is very interesting to look at and this helps the film move at a blinding pace.

Aside from the interesting look and feel of the movie, the Mark 13 droid steals the show. While not the most impressive looking robot ever put on the big screen, it truly makes its presence felt and feared. The kills in Hardware are not overly abundant, but they are truly excellent in execution. The gore is well done and the deaths provide some legitimate "oh shit" moments. There is also an interesting subplot that focuses on a sleazy neighbor that lusts over and spies on Mo's girlfriend. The sleazeball neighbor is played by "That Guy" William Hootkins better known as Red Six in Star Wars. In addition to a "That Guy" there is some Bautti Factor thrown in as well.

Hardware is an incredibly effective Sci-Fi/Horror hybrid that I would highly recommend. However, upon looking at the big name movie websites (IMDB, Rotten Tomatoes, etc.) it seems that this movie is of the love it or hate it type. If you're looking for an interesting movie and are not one to care about a film's budget, this is certainly worth checking out.

Rating: 4/5

Trailer:

Slumber Party Massacre (1982)

2009-11-11T12:08:00.020-05:00

Director: Amy Holden Jones

Slumber Party Massacre came out during the first wave of the slasher film, which was a time when everyone had seen how successful Halloween and Friday the 13th were and wanted a piece of the action. This was because the sole idea was that slashers were a cheap way of making money. The more and more these films were released, the more conservative and christian groups began to speak out against them. These films were classified as being perverse, sickeningly violent, and sexist. That is precisely where Slumber Party Massacre comes into play. This movie was penned by famed feminist writer Rita Mae Brown and directed by Amy Holden Jones who also agreed with Brown's ideology.

Slumber Party Massacre is standard slasher fare, even with the interesting cast of characters involved in its creation. The plot revolves around a girl having a "girls only" sleepover at her house because her parents are out of town. Unfortunately for them, this party will take place as escaped mass murderer Russ Thorn is out and about in their town. As the slumber party is in progress, people begin to be killed one-by-one. There is also a subplot that involves a girl who was invited, but did not want to go who spends the night hanging out with her sister. The two spend the night wondering what is happening at the party house. The highlight of this plot is when the younger sister borrows the older's Playgirl with Sylvester Stallone on the cover. In the end, this subplot will bore you to tears and even the slumber party itself is not that interesting.

It is clear from the get go that the goal of Brown's script is to make this film either ironic or simply comedic due to her background. This is made plain as day with the killer's choice of a weapon, a long drill. It is rather obvious that the drill is supposed to represent the killer's member and there are scenes in the movie (theatrical poster included) that support this claim. As far as the irony and comedy goes, it falls flat. I'm sure Brown thought her script was clever with its ample nudity and murder of young girls. The fact is, it is not. At its best it is ironic and more than anything is typical of the slasher genre. In the end, the attempted goal fails and is truly nothing beyond the ordinary.

The kills are rather pedestrian as well. With a particularly brutal murder weapon, one would expect interesting and gore-filled kills, this is not the case. Russ Thorn provides one of the more boring slasher villains as a guy with jeans and a jean jacket on. At the end of the day he's just some guy, which maybe they were going for. Must like the ironic plot, it does not work. At the very least, they should have at least given him a bad ass Motley Crue back patch. The worst aspect of the movie is the sheer overload of "fake" and "jump" scares. Way too often is a scare based around the horror cliches of a jumping cat or a friendly character sneaking up on someone. All issues aside, Slumber Party Massacre is a decent enough slasher, just nothing that you have not seen before.

Body Count: 9

Rating: 2.5/5

Trailer (warning, there is some nudity):

Rock 'N Roll Nightmare AKA The Edge of Hell (1987)

2009-11-08T22:01:00.008-05:00

Director: John Fasano

Rock 'N Roll Nightmare. Jesus, where do I begin? Rock 'N Roll Nightmare is a straight to video horror film from 1987 that focuses on a haunted house and a band called Triton that rents it out to record and rehearse. Triton is lead by one of the most ass kicking front men ever, John Triton (played by John Mikl Thor, singer of the proto-power metal band Thor). I don't even know if I'm being sarcastic about him being one of the best front men ever. All I know is that he has long locks of blond hair and muscles to boot.

The house's previous tenants disappeared after a skeleton came out of the oven and killed them. Seriously. As Triton moves in and begins to rock, out come the monsters. The first thing you have to talk about is Triton themselves. With such hits as "Energy" and "We Live to Rock" they make Ratt and Dokken seem like high art. You know this is the 1980s because Triton's bassist is using one of those stupid head-less basses. Slowly, but surely the monsters in the house get each band member and their entourage one by one. After being attacked by the monsters, each person becomes one. As far as the monsters go, they are either people in costumes or these odd puppets that look like penises with eyes and mouths. At the end of the film, John Triton fights off a puppet demon who is supposed to be Satan while wearing a cod piece and nothing else. He wrestles with it for seemingly twenty minutes and BAM, Satan is defeated. I realize this is a spoiler, but you have no need to ever see this movie.

Rock 'N Roll Nightmare is a time capsule and nothing else. It is truly awful in the worst ways, but yet is strangely entertaining. I cannot help but feel if I saw this as a five year old I would think John Triton was the coolest dude ever because I loved hair bands and thought those in said bands were awesome. As an adult, not so much. This is one of the worst movies ever, but at the same time I highly recommend it as a group movie.

Rating: 2/5

Instead of the trailer, I'm providing a link to the classic Triton hit "We Live to Rock" so much better than a trailer ever could be.

Rock N Roll Nightmare (We LiveTo Rock)
Uploaded by mrdantefontana. - Explore more music videos.

Top 10 Horror Movies of the 2000s Part II

2009-11-06T16:40:00.011-05:00

4. Eden Lake (2008)

Eden Lake is the story of a couple who want to spend a weekend at the titular lake. Once they arrive, they come across a group of young, limey brats and the fun starts from there. Once this one picks up, it does not slow down. There's a Lord of the Flies element at play here that works particularly well. The ending seems to be a love/hate kind of thing, but I feel it worked perfectly and was well rooted in reality. Top notch.
Trailer

3. Blood Night: The Legend of Mary Hatchet (2009)

Many horror films released this past decade are often referred to as being a throwback to the glory days of the slasher. However, most of the time these films are not even close to replicating that. Blood Night: The Legend of Mary Hatchet is the closest thing to a retro slasher in the 21st Century. It is filled with creative kills, tons of disposable characters, references to older films, tons of Bautti Factor and first and foremost is fun. Bill Mosely steals the show in this one. Well worth tracking down.

Trailer

2. Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon (2006)

Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon is simply one of the most clever horror films ever made. Initially it is shot as a documentary of a young, up, and coming serial killer named Leslie Vernon. This one is by the fans for the fans. Behind the Mask is filled with many inside jokes and features numerous cameos by famous actors in the genre. As clever as this one is, it is as equally effective as a slasher film.

Trailer

1. Shaun of the Dead (2004)

Okay, some people might say that Shaun of the Dead is not a horror movie. In my opinion, it is a zombie movie first and comedy second. It's not like Zombieland (which is excellent) which feels more like a comedy that happens to have zombies. Shaun of the Dead works in much of the same ways Behind the Mask does, tons of inside jokes and numerous laugh out loud moments. Also like Behind the Mask, Shaun of the Dead works incredibly well as a zombie film and the last 20 or so minutes attest to this fact. The fact of the matter is, everyone should see this movie it is a true modern classic.

Trailer

That's that. Any thoughts? Did I miss anything?

Top 10 Horror Movies of the 2000s Part I

2009-11-05T19:50:00.022-05:00

First and foremost this list will not contain any remakes. Seeing as how they have previous source material to work with and more often than not are garbage, they do not apply.

Honorable Mentions:

High Tension (2003)
30 Days of Night (2007)
The Mist (2007)
Drag Me to Hell (2009)
The Descent (2005)
Wolf Creek (2005)

10. Trick 'r Treat (2008)

While Trick 'r Treat has certainly become the most hyped horror movie of 2009 (sans Paranormal Activity), this one is actually quite good. Trick 'r Treat is a horror anthology, but not in the style of Creepshow and Tales From the Crypt. It is in fact, told in a manner a lot closer to Pulp Fiction than Creepshow. Many have said this is the best horror movie in the past twenty years, this is complete bullshit. While it is beautifully shot and truly captures the feeling of autumn and Halloween, the fact is some of the tales fall flat. I could also imagine that if this movie had received a theatrical release, the character of Sam would be adorned by all fat ass Hot Topic mall goths. Good movie? Yes. Worth the hype? No.

Trailer

9. Let the Right One In (2008)

Let the Right One In is a Swedish movie about a little boy and his vampire neighbor who is a girl about his age. This one gets by solely on atmosphere and is not incredibly bloody. If anything it is more of a love story than a horror film. That aside, this one is truly brilliant and one that should even please people who are not fans of the horror genre. As far as being a movie goes, this one is a classic. More of a true film than a genre picture. I cannot wait to see how much of a piece of shit the upcoming American remake will be.

Trailer

8. Martyrs (2008)

Martyrs is a French film and one that will definitely stay with you days after you have watched it. It is incredibly brutal, but yet is more effective than nonsensical torture porn like Hostel. The plot revolves around a girl who was tortured as a child by a secret society of sorts and escapes. That's about all I want to say about it. The plot is not high art, but a lot more interesting than it initially gives on.

Trailer

7. Gutterballs (2008)

Trailer

Goddamn is this one a total sleaze fest and not to mention has one of the best promo posters of all time. Gutterballs is a slasher that takes place in a bowling alley. That's it. Nothing deep here, just tons of brutal gore, over the top sex (bordering on pornographic proportions), and as many uses of the word 'fuck' as The Big Lebowski. Is it depraved? For sure, but good lord is it a lot of fun.

6. 28 Days Later

Let me get this out of the way right off the bat, the monsters in 28 Days Later are not zombies. No, it is not because they run, it is because zombies are dead people that are re-animated. The monsters in 28 Days Later are not dead, they have a virus. That aside, this one is a complete and total classic and easily one of the most entertaining horror films of the decade. There is not much more to say other than
that.

Trailer

5. Planet Terror (2007)

Don't you just love it when a movie gives you everything you want? That's exactly what Planet Terror does. It has over the top gore, zombie-ish creatures, humor, action, and Bruce Willis. It accomplishes everything it set out to do. Seeing this and the fake trailers made Grindhouse a theater experience that I will never forget. Planet Terror also looks better when packaged with the infinitely shitty Death Proof. How Tarantino fucked up a car chase movie with Kurt Russel is still beyond me.

Trailer

Faces of Death (1978)

2009-11-04T16:44:00.004-05:00

Director: John Alan Schwartz

Faces of Death is a brilliant example of what exploitation films in the 1970s were all about. The goal was to outdo the previous movies with the most shocking and absurd ideas than the last guy. 1976's Snuff tried to convince the audience that a girl had been killed on camera for real, there was only one way to outdo that movie, real death.

Faces of Death plays out like the worst documentary you have ever seen. It has a stunningly low budget and the narrator is about as exciting as the worst substitute teacher you have ever encountered. There are various scenes of death and carnage, most of which are either faked or stock footage. The faked scenes are incredibly cheesy and can provide a good laugh. One of the most famous scenes in the movie involves a group of people eating monkey brains. This scene is particularly cheesy and unconvincing. The monkey brain eating scene in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom is more believable. Most of the real scenes of death come in the form of animal death in slaughterhouses. This of course is the hardest to swallow. The bulk of the death scenes involving humans are either fake or stock footage taken from the aftermath of crimes and natural disasters.

In the end, Faces of Death is a milestone in exploitation film history. The use of cheap and readily available stock footage and the taboo subject matter enabled this movie to rake in money hand over fist. Is it entertaining? Mildly. It is too long for its own good and really is not anything incredibly exciting. Sure it had shock value and this still holds true today. The single greatest achievement of Faces of Death is that it is a snapshot of a period in time where truly innovative and shocking films were being made and this classified the 1970s. Whether or not the content is despicable, it would be refreshing to see film makers take daring chances as they did during the exploitation era.

Rating: 2/5

Prom Night (1980)

2009-11-03T21:53:00.006-05:00

Director: Paul Lynch

When I think of Prom Night, I think of the very awesome theatrical poster, easily one of the best in horror history and the despicable remake. While the remake has the distinction of being one of the worst movies of all time, thankfully the original does not.

Prom Night opens with a group of kids playing a twisted game of hide and seek. In the midst of the game, the group corners one of their friends and the little girl falls out of the window and dies. Immediately shitting bricks, the group decides to take an oath of secrecy. Fast forward six years and we see that the neighborhood child molester has been accused sent to jail for the crime and all is well. Jamie Lee Curtis in her second post-Halloween role is the main character and prom queen to be. Her father is played by Leslie Nielsen and is the school principal. It is quite odd experiencing Nielsen in a more serious role, although he is excellent in a similar role in his segment in Creepshow. Jamie Lee Curtis' character also has a brother.

Before the night of the prom the various girls and boys responsible for the death of the little girl receive crank phone calls inviting them to the prom. There is a subplot that involves the police looking for the escaped "killer" of Jamie Lee Curtis' sister that goes nowhere. As Prom Night arrives so do the killings.

The most interesting aspect of Prom Night is that there is not a single on screen kill until an hour into the movie. Considering Prom Night runs at 90 minutes, this is rather surprising. Even more shocking is the complete lack of Bautti Factor. This has to be the only slasher in the 1980s not to feature boobs. The killer wears a ski-mask is dressed entirely in black and rather noticeably is the most agile killer in the early days of the slasher. He is often more than ready to run, jump, and climb to get to his victims. While most of the kills are of the standard variety, Prom Night does boast one of the most iconic and classic deaths in the history slasher genre. All in all, Prom Night is a pretty solid outing for Scream Queen Jamie Lee Curtis and the fact most of the action does not take place until the final half hour is not a detriment to its entertainment value. Although, as far as Jamie Lee Curtis' non-Halloween slashers are concerned, Terror Train is the better movie in the end.

Body Count: 5

Rating: 3/5

Trailer:

Night of the Creeps (1986)

2009-11-01T18:08:00.005-05:00

Director: Fred Dekker

Director Fred Dekker is responsible for two of the greatest horror movies of all time The Monster Squad and Night of the Creeps. How this man and these movies were never elevated beyond cult status is beyond me. Even more mind numbing is how Night of the Creeps was just released on DVD for the first time last week!

Night of the Creeps successfully blends multiple genres of film into one. There are elements of sci-fi, zombies, slashers, cop dramas, comedies, and creature features all wrapped up into the same movie. It sounds daunting and unlikely to work, but Night of the Creeps exceeds all initial expectations.

The film begins in the 1950s with alien cargo landing on Earth. This cargo unleashes the "creeps" which are little slugs that jump into the mouth of the living, causing the victims to become zombies, incubate, and then explode out of the subject's head creating more creeps. After the first attack in the 1950s we fast forward to the 1980s with two buddies trying to score. In an attempt to win over a girl, the friends attempt to join a frat. In order to join, they have to find a corpse and drop it off at the steps at a rival fraternity's house. This corpse turns out to be the frozen body of the first human attacked by the creeps in the 1950s and causes all hell to break loose.

Night of the Creeps features excellent acting and one of the most brilliantly written scripts in horror history. Every line is witty and you cannot wait to see what happens next. Not to mention it features the best "That Guy" of all time, Tom Atkins. Who is beyond excellent in his role as Detective Ray Cameron. Another point of note is one of the most pointless uses of the Bautti Factor in the history of horror. This movie has it all, great lines, great kills, incredibly campy special effects, and first and foremost is fun. This film is easily a classic that must be seen by all fans of horror.

Rating: 5/5

Trailer:

976-Evil (1988)

2009-10-28T15:03:00.006-04:00

Director: Robert Englund

Much like The Video Dead, the plot to 976-Evil is one that could only work in the 80s. Robert Englund's (Freddy Krueger) directorial debut makes me think of two things right off the bat: that episode of Are You Afraid of the Dark? about the phone police and being in elementary school and kids daring other kids to dial 1-800-SPANK-ME. The basic plot of 976-Evil is that you dial the titular number for your "horrorscope." If you follow what the "horrorscope" tells you, you get your wants and desires if not, you die.

The movie follows Spike and Hoax (played by that annoying kid in Fright Night), to no surprise Spike is a tough guy and Hoax is a wiener raised by an ultra religious Mother. Spike is indebted to this gang of toughs, that is similar to the gang in Robocop, but infinitely wimpier. So Spike dials 976-Evil and wins all of his money back and Hoax dials it to get with Spike's trashy lady friend. All the while there is a PI investigated weird occurrences that have to deal with 976-Evil and is hardly exciting.

Eventually, Hoax gets into some trouble and turns to Satan and becomes some sort of a demon spewing puns at every moment ala Freddy Krueger. 976-Evil is not a bad movie, but certainly not a good movie. It is the prime definition of average. It does nothing great and is not terrible. The few moments of gore are decent enough and the Bautti factor rears its head to make things interesting, but all in all this one is pretty pedestrian.

Rating: 2.5/5

Trailer:

The Video Dead (1987)

2009-10-27T01:12:00.009-04:00

Director: Robert Scott

There are many movies for one reason or another are not on DVD. Many horror classics such as The Stepfather and Phantasm II have finally been released on DVD after years of waiting. There are also movies that are so bad they are good and become cult classics. Finally, there are movies that are plain bad. Robert Scott's 1987 effort The Video Dead is a movie that is not on DVD, does not belong on the format, and is downright awful.

The Video Dead is based around the concept of a cursed television set. Once you turn on the set, it unleashes a small group of zombies hell bent on killing. The absurd plot is straight out of the 80s and under different circumstances may have worked, but what we are left with is a piece of garbage that is only notable for some of the stupidest lines in horror history.

After the set claims its first victim, we are transported to three months after the incident. A brother and sister move in to their parents' new house and are left alone (Mom and Dad are in Saudi Arabia for whatever reason). Low and behold the TV begins to seduce Jeff, calling to him and promising him sexual favors, kind of like a shittier version of Videodrome. This leads to him turning on the set and calling the monsters to his attention. Meanwhile, he meets a neighbor girl whom he fawns over. Jeff's love interest makes some cash as a dog walker and once the dog runs away into the woods recites one of the single dumbest lines in film history "he always chases skunks, tries to mate with them, then gets sprayed, and gets even more turned on!" Jesus H. Christ.

Jeff, his sister, and April are eventually visited by a Texan who knows about the TV and how to solve the zombie issue once and for all. His suggestions sum up how much of a turd this movie is. The way to kill the zombies in addition to normal violent methods are to:

1) using mirrors to show the walking dead their reflection because apparently they cannot stand to look at themselves
2) kill them with kindness.

Seriously. I wish I was making this up. The Texan and Jeff also attempt to dispel the zombie threat with bows and arrows. I have to type that again to get the point across BOWS AND ARROWS. Once again, Jesus H. Christ.

This movie presents one of the more ridiculous endings in movie history. It truly must be seen to be believed.

Beyond the plot, the score is rather annoying and the zombies look as if they have on plastic Halloween masks. There is a bit of Bautti factor early on, but is nothing special. The gore effects are decent, but underutilized. In the end, this one is only for completist horror fans and would be much better off fading into obscurity.

Rating: 1.5/5

Trailer:

Nightmare City aka City of the Walking Dead (1980)

2009-10-26T01:39:00.007-04:00

Director: Umberto Lenzi

Umberto Lenzi's 1980 film Nightmare City is more or less what one would expect from an Italian horror movie from the 1970s or 1980s. It is horribly dubbed, has an incredible synthesizer-laden score, and is chock full of gore. The plot is one we've all heard before, a chemical spill leads to an army of monsters hell bent on attacking the living for sustenance. It would be incorrect to classify these monsters as zombies, if anything they are like an amped up version of the infected in George A. Romero's 1973 classic "The Crazies." These monsters can run and use weapons to their advantage. Also, instead of relying on human flesh to survive, they rely on blood. A subtle, but interesting enough twist in its own right.

The bulk of the film surrounds two centers of gravity. The first being a reporter who witnessed the first outbreak of infected at an airport and the other being the military. Neither one of these plots offer a whole lot and the movie seems to work better when it focuses on random scenes of death and destruction. One thing Nightmare City delivers in spades is the gore. Many of the scenes are hilariously brutal and one could imagine Lucio Fulci giving it his stamp of approval. Highlights include a hatchet to the back of the head and a woman's breast being hacked off with a machete.

In true 80s fashion, there are a few ever so pointless scenes of women in spandex dancing(think Friday the 13th Part IV), the Bautti Factor, and some slow parts involving adultery and the like. The last stand off is one of the highlights and is set at an amusement park (Zombieland owes this flick a beer). The ending turns out to be a bit of a cop out, but yet somehow redeems itself right before the credits roll. While this movie is certainly not a work of art, it should easily please any fan of gory horror movies. Sadly, it is currently out of print with the last edition being released by the always excellent Blue Underground. If you can find this one cheap, by all means check it out.

Rating: 3.5/5

Here's the trailer:

Glossary

2009-10-26T00:42:00.002-04:00

This will be a constantly updating post that will serve as a glossary of sorts for commonly used slang in the posts.

"Bautti Factor": whether or not a woman's breasts are shown in the film.

"That Guy": a bit actor that makes his rounds and is in tons of movies. Sighting of a "that guy" usually makes one think "hey, it's that guy"

First Post

2009-10-26T00:22:00.000-04:00

This blog is dedicated to my personal reviews of horror movies that I watch on nearly a daily basis. Expect lots of gore and sleaze. The good stuff.